An avalanche..

He looked down at the cold, lifeless body of his son. Memories floated in the swirls of his mind, but none moved him. He looked at it with the same feeling that he looked at anything else. Or with the absence of feeling that he treated everything in life. He heard people screaming – ‘You are a doctor. Damn it! You were supposed to do something to save your son’ He stared blankly with the same cold look that he’d got accustomed over a period of the years.

He tried to remember the last time he had lived and felt and gone through the emotions as he felt them and not what he was expected to feel. It was at the beginning of his career while working on a cure for cancer. He had a zeal, passion and purpose. He felt the disappointment when something didn’t work and he felt the soaring enthusiasm when he saw progress. It was a magical time. He had a reason to wake up every morning, he looked forward to things in life. There was a sparkle in his eyes, a spring to his step and an ease in his body.

The funds for the research stopped. Some said bureaucracy, while others attributed to the general apathy of the society. He stepped back, looked at things and took up surgery. Life moved on. A patient died at his table while removing the tumour. The emotions in his head at that precise moment of realisation was indescribable. He felt the pain all over again with multifold magnitude. He started detaching himself slowly to numb the pain.

He didn’t realise that he started denying reality and just drifted along. He let nothing touch him. Built layers around himself that eventually became a cuticle so impregnable that he himself couldn’t go beneath it. He lost touch with himself, the real him. Missed it? Well, the layers masked even that. Life was reduced to a routine existence of an automaton. He smiled when people looked at his mouth expectantly after saying something, he shed tears when he thought that was expected out of him. Walked like the destination was all that mattered and his eyes scurried to find things.

Famous doctor, he’d earned all the laurels. When his son was diagnosed with cancer of the lungs, he was meticulous and started him on the medication already proven. It didn’t work for long, it was a matter of time before death consumed his son. Here, he was. He bent down and touched his son, or rather his body. The warmth had been sucked out and the life had left long ago.

At twilight, everybody started to leave. He was alone with his son. He let the tiny thought play in his mind as to what would have been if he were to continue his research. The thought grew in leaps and bounds and before he knew, he was sobbing uncontrollably. All the snubbed feelings resurfaced and the pain that had been numbed soared. He wept inconsolably. The turmoil in his mind shook his frail body. He was angry at the ways of the world, its priorities and its hypocrisies.

He cried all the years of pain, shedding layer after layer in an attempt to reach himself at the end of it all. He grasped reality, not willing to let it go ever again. He’d gone through days without realising he was more dead than alive.

At dawn, his relatives and neighbors poured in to perform the final rites. He walked out slowly. He didn’t want to be sucked into the world of fake and falsehood. He set out to live again. To live for himself. To live like a tribute to life..


6 comments so far

  1. blissfulsoul on

    Good One! Nice description! Keep writing!

  2. aurorawonders on

    blissfulsoul – Thanks..

  3. gaizabonts on

    Not that there is any significant similarity – but reminded me of Ek Doctor Ki Maut. Don’t ask. 🙂

  4. aurorawonders on

    gaizabonts – That’s a good movie, haven’t watched it, though. 🙂

  5. Kiran on

    Nicely written…..

  6. aurorawonders on

    Kiran – Thanks..

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